I was never a straightforward person. Even to this day, I have mysteries, visions and stories hidden inside me; which, I believe, are better off hidden inside. But from the moment you feel you will lose someone close to you, that is the moment you realize, it is time to speak up.
I never used to express myself. I never felt like I need to express myself. I have always hidden my feelings and expressions inside the words that I craft. I rarely told people what they meant to me. I hardly made them feel magical about themselves through my expressions or through my words, leave alone my actions.
All this have changed. Drastically, I must say.
I now keep on telling people (THOSE WHO DESERVE TO BE TOLD) that I love them. I keep telling them that they have a special place in my life and I cannot imagine living a peaceful life without them. I keep telling these people that they are wonderful human beings and its an irony we don’t have many like them. I love saying, “You’re a good person,” and, “You brighten my day.” I keep doing this on Instagram. I did this to Nadia Jamil on Twitter. I do this almost every Saturday and Sunday because Muniba Mazari is just too good to not be appreciated. Besides the love for celebrities, I keep saying this to my family (one way or the other way). I keep telling this to my team mates and to my subordinates, because being a Manager is hard. In short, either way, I try to express myself more now.
I live my life as straight-forward as possible. I live it by the day. Now, I love being straightforward. Well, not being a horrible one, because I have learned what to say and what not to say. And with experience, I have learned to weigh before I am forced to pay.
Because there will come a day when I won’t be around to say anything. I could be walking down the street one day, laughing and smiling, observing the sidewalks and focusing so hard on my vivid thoughts that I don’t see a bus coming, or an open main-hole or a drunk truck driver raging towards me. And, it might so happen, I sleep after posting this up and don’t get up to see who liked it and who didn’t. Anything is possible. I would not want to leave behind someone who cared about me, listened to me and helped me through, with some confusing statements I made on text (or my social media) or with unattended thoughts of time spent with someone or with unanswered questions from someone. (Exceptions exist!) I am no special here.
I know how it is like to be mysterious. At one point or other- we all want to be mysterious. We all have our share of the secret “strawberry chocolate” pie. Because we all hate getting hurt. And the last thing anyone of us would want is to look desperate. I mean, why would you want to look desperate for someone or something.
So, this feeling of losing oneself pushes us to make people wait when responding to texts, phone calls (Sorry! I am just too lazy for that and it is simply not my cup of tea), emails, Facebook messages, Tweets, Blogs, Tumbles and so on. We encode our emotions in such a way, that its almost next to impossible for the other person to decode it. We don’t want it decoded, yet we want the other person to understand each and every gibberish we just sent. So basically, we say vague, half-baked statements and expect people to nosedive into our hearts. They are human beings for GOD’s sake! You just cannot expect them to hear what your heart speak if your mind and mouth are not synced together.
But what if we don’t have a heartbeat left?
What if the last thing you ever said to that person was, “I don’t know!!” when all that person asked was “Is everything ok?!”, even though you really really wanted to speak your heart out to someone. What if you were head-over-heels with an enchanting batch mate in your graduating class but you chose to wait before talking to that person, only to never get the chance to talk at all?
Just close your eyes and think about it for a moment. What if this is the last time you are reading something? Scares the shit out of you, doesn’t it? That is how quick life wraps up. A moment. A second. A heartbeat.
It seems a bit weird and downright impossible to just be you— just to let people know how much you want them, need them, feel like — at this very moment — that you will die if you do not see them, hold them, and, touch them with your heart. Take it from someone who lost, stood up again, only to lose again; just to stand up again. There is nothing more beautiful than being desperate for what you want and nothing more risky than pretending not to care!! We all are humans (social animals? I doubt), young, bold and beautiful and are bound to make mistakes in our lives! A harsh reality: We are not in control of our lives as we think ourselves to be. We never know who’s looking for us, after us (human wise) and we’ll never know the magic that can arise when two different human beings come together to form a bond, until we try to create one.
We never know when that bus is coming. We never know when that bell is going to ring. We never know when that chapter is going to close.
P.S. Stop thinking, Start DOING!
You need to start now. There is no guarantee of a tomorrow. Now is the right time!