mothers-day-open-letter

Dear Mom, I Am Sorry For Being a Failure

This post is a guest contribution. All the views expressed in this article are not from the owner of this website. Happy reading!

Little did you know that I was diagnosed with Depression in my early twenties. Every day, I would get up to fight suicidal thoughts for almost a decade of my life. Every night, I would cuddle up in my bed to fall asleep to a pillow soaked up in tears, begging an invisible God to have mercy upon me and allow the bed to swallow me up so I could just disappear. On multiple instances, I have held a blade to my wrist and a knife to my neck. And on every occasion, I would just get away with scars. I was too scared to follow through.

“You are weak. You are a loser. You can’t even kill yourself. You can’t even live a proper life. You are worthless to everyone. You are a huge failure for your family. You are a disgrace to your mother. You are a disappointment to your father. All it takes is a little push and yet, you can’t even get that right. The world would be such a better place without you living in it, you are taking up so much space. Such a huge disgrace to humanity you are.”

These are only some of the thoughts that buzzed through my head every day. Seems like a mentally retard person I am, huh? Yet, that was my real life. I was constantly moving inside a black hole, going round and round with no goals in life. I tried desperately to crawl my way out of this menace life of mine but it was too hard to just hold on, to stay alive and watch myself die another day.

And this was the good part.

The worst part was the fact that no one understood what it was like living the life I never wanted to live. In a populated world, I felt left out.

Yes, some people close to me did try to help me out but it was all in vain. The blood that was gushing through my veins was not willing to stay in peace. I always felt that I wasn’t good enough to deserve what everyone else seemed to have. I always felt Karma was making me pay the price for being a failure to my mom. I still feel the same.

So on this auspicious occasion of Mother’s Day, I would like to share an Open Letter to My Mom and acknowledge the fact that I am a Failure. I was a failure and I am still a failure.

Dear Mom,

I am sorry. I am sorry for being a pathetic person when all you wanted me to be was a good human being. I am sorry I am not the perfect kid you made me out to be. I know I have failed you on multiple occasions and I continue to do that till this day. I am sorry that I am not the kid you wanted me to be. I am sorry I could not follow the life you wanted me to follow because I was too weak in my studies and could never get what they were teaching to me.

I am sorry for being the reason behind your heart breaks. I admit that I hate seeing that look in your eyes. The look that tells me that your heart is broken. And the worst part, I feel even more weak knowing that I have broken it. It disgusts me to know I am the reason you feel so helpless. I know you feel like you have failed as a mother. Please let me assure you that’s the furthest thing from the truth.

As of now, all I know is heaviness in my heart and suffocation in my lungs. I feel like I am being pressed from all the corners and there is not enough air left for me to breathe. I feel like someone deliberately sucked away all the oxygen from my side of the earth, except that everyone else seems to be breathing just fine. I am trying to gasp for air but there is not enough left for me to take in. I am dying. Slowly and painfully. I can see my life withering away from me, bit by bit.

Mom, I believe this is the power karma holds over people. I know I have been a huge mess for you throughout life and I continue being your most chaotic kid. I know I am the ominous one. I am sorry for making you mad at me for no reason every time you look or talk to me. I am sorry for taking away your happy moments by being there and doing nothing. I am sorry for having a rotten attitude problem that only fuels my depression and make me more bodeful.

I am sorry for being a jerk at all times and giving you pain that I never wanted to give. Maybe I should have been more careful and should have kept it all hidden inside me. I am sorry you had to feel shame because of me every time you walked into a meeting about me. I am sorry I could not be more like my other siblings. I am sorry I could never live up to the standards of life you went out of your way to set for me, the standards that I always failed to reach no matter how hard I tried.

Remember when I went completely shut during my pre-teen years and you thought I was throwing tantrums? I wish I could tell you I was molested by the servants. I wish I could tell you I was raped multiple times by the guy you who was supposed to keep me safe from harm. I wish I could tell you how painful it was to be molested as a child and live to tell that story. I wish. But I don’t want you to know that because I know I would again be a huge disgrace to you and the whole family knowing that I lost my boyhood to an animal.

Yes, I was molested. Not once. Not twice. Multiple times. I wanted him to stop. I could not help but give in to his power. I was scared and it hurt a lot. But he went on with the quick push. I never liked it, it always hurt, but it was over in a few seconds. One of the reasons why I want to die. I know it will hurt but at least it will all be over in a few seconds. At least then it will be done. End of the chapters. End of the story. End of the worldly pain. I am already hurting day in and day out, let’s just get over with it.

I really want to get over with it. Finish it off once and for all. I am already tired of all the sufferings. I am tired of feeling bad all the time and I am tired watching people around me trying to make things better only to make them worse. And then I feel even worse because I make those who care for me feel bad, and that makes feel like a piece of worthless junk. It is just a never ending cycle of worthlessness.

But you know what, mother? No matter how incredibly peaceful that sounds, there is a small part inside me that knows it really is not that easy. It knows that it won’t be over. Maybe it would be over for me, but it would be over for you, dad or my siblings. You all would have to live with my choice for the rest of your lives. You have never admired me for my choice and I have already caused you a lot of pain with the choices that I have made in my life. Maybe that is what keeps me going. My choices in life have already been a cause of sorrow and anger in life for all, specially you, and I don’t want to cause any more in death. I would be a real piece of shit then, wouldn’t I?Then I’d really be a piece of shit, wouldn’t I?

Mom, maybe you don’t realize how much you are actually helping me at being alive. Your life is the reason I am still kicking and breathing. So how could that possibly make you a failure at motherhood? I don’t think so. In my book, I think you are the savior. When I hold that sharp knife to my wrist and gather up the courage to slice my life away, I have your image reflecting at the back of my mind. The thought of you being devastated knowing what I have done with my pitiful life leaves me with no choice but to put that knife down, and for one more day, pretend that I am alive.

I am sorry mom. I am sorry for being the burden of your choices. I am sorry for being the eater of your world. I am sorry for not listening to you when you were not happy about how I did my hair, or the way I dressed up, or how I never looked after my body. You always try to make sure that I remain the best of myself. But I am the one that fails you all the time.

You always try to tell me to look on the bright side of the things. To fake a smile. To do this and to do that and to look for that and to go there, and while none of this ever helps, I know your intentions are always pure. I know you are always trying to help. It does not seem to be working. I can sometimes see that when you are angry, you are angry at your helplessness. You lash out at me because I am the one reflecting your helplessness back at you. I am the one that comes between you and your futile attempts to make life better for me. I know you have tried, and tried, and tried. And tried. I know it must have been tiring for you, mom. You must be exhausted. I know I am.

Mom, I’m sorry for all of it, because it’s all my fault. I am sorry I could not be the successful kid you aspired me to be and I am sorry for failing at life so miserably. I am sorry for being the jerk that never cared for anyone’s feeling. I am sorry for allowing my worst part to take over my whole life.

I am sorry for never making it up to you. I know it will get better.

Love,
Your Cursed Child

About The Author:

I would rather not want to be known. I am scared people are going to bully me for being like this because I am a guy. I wish you all the best and want to let you know that you are doing a good job. I came to your blog from a post you wrote about a conversation you had with a prostitute and I thought I can share my honest letter with you.

5 Tips To Master The Art Of Content Writing

Content writing is not a difficult job. If you are familiar with your target audience, you are already half way to creating great content. But as easy as it is to create great content, it can be easier to get lost while creating the right content. It’s easy to wander around when you are working with words.

If you don’t want to get lost and are looking to master the art of content writing, then consider these five tips. These tips will help you stay on track and churn out awesome content for your target audience.

content writing skills

Research and Answer Questions Already Asked by your Audience

When starting out with your content, it is best to stick to the basic questions that your targeted customers are asking. Some of the best content pieces I have come across weren’t unique. They just answered the obvious questions that were there in the mind of the customers. There is a reason why the ever famous and reliable How To’s work wonders with Google’s ranking algorithm.

You need to figure out these questions and the kind of audience you are catering. Usually, questions depend on the type of business and the industry you are serving. Identifying what your customers like to read is easier if you have built the right customer profiles and matched them to your business goals. You can do a brainstorming session within your company and figure out what your customers are looking for, for example:

  • What answers is your target audience seeking?
  • What is their online search behavior?
  • What are they searching for?
  • What are the FAQ’s asked by your customers?
  • What are they talking about on social media?

Once you have a road-map drawn, you can start writing a series of content pieces that will answer all the questions. This will be the content that is going to come up in SERP’s, get shares on social media and will create a buzz around your business. You can start searching for the questions on Quora. Look into the Twitter trends or follow your preferred hashtags. You can also search the trends using Google Trends. The idea is to find out what your audience is looking to read.

Don’t go Overboard with the Tone

Going overboard with the language of your content can prove to be counter intuitive. Almost all content writers love showing off how much good they are with vocabulary, buzzwords and jargon. But, this will not help you.

In fact, the more difficult language that you are going to use as compared to the one your customers use, the more detached you will get from them. As a result, your content would become less accessible to your target audience.

Try and figure out the words your target customers use in communicating about the industry. Use those words in your content. Use them in your headlines and paragraphs, to all the way down to your conclusion.

This practice is also beneficial from SEO perspective as well. It sends a clear message to search engines that your content is related to the keywords searched by your target audience.

Seek Attention with Your Content 

When you are producing content, think of it as means of doing trade. It is like a barter system, where you give something of value to get value in exchange. With content, you are asking the audience to give attention to your brand. If you are looking for attention through your content, you need to put value into your content.

You need to ensure that your content is engaging and seeking the right kind of attention from your readers. If your readers are coming in to your blog and moving away from your website, then you need to look into this issue on priority basis. Maybe your website is slow. Maybe it is not attractive looking or maybe, you are writing the wrong form of content for your target audience. Provide value to your readers to get value in return.

But remember: The value provided by your content needs to be separate from the sales pitch about your products.

Make Your Content Easy to Skim

A common notion about content is that it is not read anymore. To an extent, this is not true. People do not read in depth like they used to before. There is a lot of information overload nowadays as compared to previous years. People have more choices to read, listen and watch then they have ever had today.

With the increasing content, readers have also adjusted their reading habits. They usually skim through the entire piece and figure out what part is worth reading. Now this is where the copy writing skills of a good content writer come in to play. You have to craft the right headings, with reasonable paragraphs, and the right bullet points to keep the reader engaged in your content. This would ensure that the idea of your content piece is communicated to the reader, even if they skim it through.

Leave The Reader Coming Back For More

Finally, it is important to leave room for conversation open. Yes, it is important that you answer the questions your readers have on their minds, but at the same time, you should let them have the last word on the topic. You want to have the readers engage with your content, ask the right questions, provide feedback, and come back to you for more content on the topic of discussion.

Do not take all the air out of your topic of discussion. Leave the readers with curiosity so that they come back to you for curbing it. Always leave a room for the conversation to continue.

Final (Bonus) Tip:

Keep experimenting. You cannot hit the jackpot with your very first content piece. Okay, maybe you can if luck is on your side but that is rarity. Keep using different styles and forms of content. Mix and stir different combinations and see what works for you and your audience. Integrate analytics from the very beginning so that you do not lose out on crucial user data.

Wrap Up

I have been in this field from quite sometime now and I am still an amateur. You can imagine the amount of practice and hard work the field of content writing requires. It took me many domains and hosting accounts to get to this place where I am now. Experimenting is the key to success. These tips are only some of the tips that I have come across during my short career. These tips can give you a head start to mastering the art of content writing. These are only 5 tips on how to master the art of content writing and I am sure there are many.

What tips do you have in mind? What have you been taught/learned that you are willing to share with the readers? Lets share and learn from each other.

4 Aspects To Help You Cope With Life After College

I heard you are about to complete your graduation and embark upon a new journey of life. Interesting. Well, I have some newsflash for you. It is about to get tough and your life is just about to get started.

I cannot help you much about your coming life, however, I can help ease the agony that you are going to face when it comes to certain aspects of life. The aspect for further Education, a rewarding Career, the sensitive aspect of relationships, and finally, your love life. Read on.

1. Your Education Is Not Over Yet

  • Your degree is only as relevant as you want it to be. If you get your dream job — great! If not, and if you are still searching, then you need to reflect how your entire college life experience makes you valuable asset in the “real world.”
  • If you feel empty from inside and believe you need to get some more degrees under your belt, get it done early. It only gets harder as you get older.
  • If you are able to find work at a company that is willing to finance your higher education, do it without second thoughts. Believe me, it is a very small price to pay.
  • Institutions are not the only places where you can learn a thing or two. You need to teach yourself some valuable skills by reading and practicing the skills in your free time.
  • Do not rely entirely on your education. Ever.

2. Your Career Is Just About To Be Born

  • It is possible that the first organization you join might be the shittiest place to work at. Don’t panic. Learn the basics and earn the valuable experience. You will thank the organization later on in your career.
  • Before you start a job, you need to ask yourself “why” are you working. If you are working to make a fortune out of a 9-9 job, then get ready to sacrifice a lot of time, effort, friendships, health, and personal satisfaction. If you working for happiness and are lucky enough to have scored a career in your chosen field, then get ready to sacrifice money. The two, however, needn’t be mutually exclusive.
  • It is always handy to have a side hustle, from the beginning. We are living in uncertain time, where lay offs and demotions are a norm. You will be better off if you are able to determine how much you are going to make from one stream of income.
  • Build a very strong network around you. No, not the LinkedIn, Facebook, or Conference Network. I am talking about a real network where you are connected with Alumni’s and your industry professionals. You need to actively engage with them on constant basis.
  • As this is not your college life anymore, you should never be afraid of trying something you would never have thought about doing before.
  • Your resume is like your passport. You need to know more than your resume reflects about you.
  • No matter how awful your boss or coworkers may seem like, you should never burn bridges. NEVER EVER!
  • You choose your career. So don’t become your career. You’ll only sacrifice and compromise.

3. Family and Friends Are Important

  • Appreciate your family at every moment. They know you the most and are still likely to be the people who will have back when all hell break out.
  • Your parents want what is best for you. There are certain exceptions, but those are rare cases. They are more experienced than you and would give you the best advice – take their advise into consideration.
  • Some of your choices won’t get the approval from your family. Accept it with dignity.
  • As you grow older, you will lose friends. Your group is going to shrink. Live with it.
  • Break up with bad friends before they break your heart and torment your life.
  • Learn to keep a balance between friendships and relationship.
  • Be very vocal about the kind of people you would want to have in your life. Move away from the rest of them.
  • Be like the friend you would want to have for yourself.

4. You Need To Have Love In Your Life

  • Fall in love to be happy with the one you are. Don’t experiment with love. This is not a college major-minor decision.
  • You may have a crush on your next door neighbor or your colleague. But if you feel they are not right for you, walk away or don’t get involved.
  • Unlearn the belief that someone is going to change for you just because they want to live with you.
  • If you are planning to move in together, to a new place, make sure you understand what you are doing and are happy to see yourself more to a new place.
  • Realize that it is your choice to be single or to be in a relationship. If you want to make a different choice, understand the sacrifices you would have to make to live that choice.
  • You will have your heart broken by someone. Live through the pain. It will make you more stronger.
  • Take rejection with pride and feel humble when you are rewarded with true love.
  • Don’t waste your time on Tinder.
  • Enjoy your life when you are single. You might never get to be selfish again.
  • Skip the temptation of one night stands for a romantic dinner with your loved one – after you are married – you will live with peace.
20-years-on

20 Years On…Things Are Still The Same

20 years on…it is still all the same! It is only the magnitude that changed through out these years.

20 years ago, we had our school backpacks hung onto our shoulders.
Today, we have our office bags hung onto our shoulders with our laptops and presentations.

20 years ago, we all used to be pretty scared of our teachers, homework, bullying, sports, and exams.
Today, we are still scared. We are scared of our bosses, targets, deadlines, politics, appraisals, and demotions.

20 years ago, we all aspired to be the class topper and hated being called the teacher’s pet.
Today, we all aspire to be awarded the Employee of the Month and hate being called the boss suck up.

20 years ago, we had major tests, quarterly exams, mid terms and annuals to make our lives miserable.
Today, we have our quarterly targets and results to make our nights sleepless.

20 years ago, we all spent sleepless nights to study for our annual exams and move on to the next class.
Today, we all spend sleepless nights worrying about our appraisals to find out whether we are going to stay or leave.

20 years ago, we all anxiously waited for the end of the month to get pocket money from our fathers.
Today, we anxiously wait for the end of the month to get our bank accounts topped up with our salaries.

20 years ago, we all kept on running after grades, dates, and prizes
Today, we all keep running after incentives, wives, bonuses, and promotions.

20 years ago, we all used to anxiously wait for the latest toy in the market.
Today, we all eagerly wait for the latest gadget in the market.

20 years ago, we had schools and curriculum to help us graduate to the next level.
Today, we have startup incubators and accelerators to help us graduate to the next level.

20 years on, nothing has changed. The only things that have changed, or rather, grown bigger, are a few numbers.

If only, Life would have been a number. Unfortunately, it is not. It is about moments. Experiences. So Enjoy each moment. You never know which one is your last.

Sunshine Blogger Award

The Sunshine Blogger Award Comes To The Desi Writer

I have been blogging for a long time. I started off with Blogspot and ended up with WordPress. Never ever did anyone nominate me for the Sunshine Blogger Award. However, things are now different.

I am so glad to share that I have been finally nominated for the Sunshine Blogger Award by Sharmeen from Girl With Scarf blog. I have been following her blog ever since I stumbled across it and I have to say that she writes some kick-ass stuff. Her Thunder Thoughts and the 30-Day Challenge are worth the visit! I would like to take this moment and this space to humbly thank her for nominating me and taking time out to read my pieces. It means so much to see a fellow writer recognizing another up start.

Such A Late Post

I got nominated by Girl With Scarf blog a month back and I just got the time to write about it because I had been hell busy and caught with a lot of happenings. There was this day job stuff going on, then I had some commitments to cater to and I was busy working on my calendar (yes, new posts are in the works and on the way) and…I was busy with my first book! Yup, I am almost done with the first book and will soon be putting it up. Prayers are needed!

Back to The Award

I am so thankful to her that I don’t think I can do justice to her by capturing such an emotion in words. Now that feeling coming from a fellow writer means a lot. I have prayers, love and support for you.

With that, I’ll get down to the award rules and regulations.

FEW SIMPLE RULES:
– Thank the blogger who nominated you and link back to their blog! (Check!)
– Answer the 11 questions that they asked you. (Below!)
– Nominate 11 new bloggers and ask them your own 11 questions. (Nominated!)
– List the rules and display the Sunshine Blogger Award logo in your post.

sunshine-award-logo

I would like to Thank Girl With Scarf again for the nomination. Getting nominated for the first time from a fellow writer means a lot to me. Thank you for reading the broken pieces I write. I hope you keep on reading and help me improve! Love <3

You can check her blog our at . As I said, I love reading about her thoughts and learn a lot from them!

MY ANSWERS TO Sharmeen’s QUESTIONS

How long have you been blogging for?

Ans: I started blogging when I was in A-Levels (Back in 2006). It turned into a passion and is now a profession as well.

Are you satisfied with the kind of response you receive?

Ans: At first, no. I used to write a lot and was basically a poet. My poems did not garner that much support and I was bullied for being a Desi Writer. I turned that bullying into my strenght and came up with my own identity – The Desi Writer. Today, I am satisfied with the support and response I get from my readers. This is only the beginning for me.

Why did you take up blogging?

Ans: I tend to be more towards introversion. I was never comfortable around people and used to run away from gatherings. I still remember the first time I wrote something and the sense of relieve I got from that particular moment was priceless. It was then when I realized that writing is the future for me. I kept on writing. I was introduced to the world of blogging by a friend of mine from Malaysia. I signed up on Blogger and started writing crappy stuff. I was getting some traffic and people were commenting. I was finally able to express my feelings. I was finally able to put actions into my words. So I decided to take up blogging.

What is your ultimate goal, with regards to blogging?

Ans: Quit all the day time jobs and make it my life. I hate the corporate culture. I am not fit for the corporate culture and the confines of organizational politics. My ultimate goal with blogging is to be the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be…FOR MYSELF!

What is your education qualification?

Ans: I don’t pay much attention to what my qualifications are as they don’t do justice to what a human is capable of doing. Anyways, since you asked, I am an MBA in Marketing with CIM Level 4 Qualification from the Chartered Institute of Marketing.

Do you blog full time?

Ans: Not yet! 😉

How many bloggers do you follow?

Ans: I have a bookmark bar of more than 800 bookmarks. All are fellow bloggers. The list is never ending for me.

Do you think blogging these days is becoming obsolete?

Ans: With the advent of Vlogging and Youtube, I believe blogging is a bit on the backseat but far from being obsolete.

Do you think you can contribute to society by the means of your blog?

Ans: Yes. I have garnered much support for some of my posts and I have already worked with some NGO’s as well. Besides that I am in talks with some other NGO’s and societies that working for betterment and will soon be bringng out collaborative work with them. I believe a lot in giving to the society.

What are your top favorite blogs ? (Stick to 5 max, please).

How does it feel to be a blogger?

Ans: Seeing all the love I have been getting from my fellow bloggers lately and from people I know, it feels awesome to be a blogger. That feeling of being nominated by a fellow writer and being loved for what you write – Priceless.

MY NOMINATIONS FOR THE SUNSHINE BLOGGER AWARD

That Girl in High Heels
Hastagged
Something Splediferous
Melanin Squad
Rumis Kitchen
Five Reasons for Everything
Blooming Pen
She’s at one with
Confessions of a Parentless Mother
The Minimalist
Wandering Kamya

All these blogs are from different niches!

My Questions to the Nominated Blogs

1. When did you start writing?
2. How do you feel when you get no readers and comments on your blogs?
3. Does your family know that you blog? Are they supportive?
4. Why did you start off with a blog?
5. What can we find on your desktop?
6. How does your work station look like?
7. How much time does it take for you to write a blog?
8. Are you a full time blogger or a part-time blogger?
9. What motivates you to keep going in times of distress?
10. Do you believe you should limit yourself to a niche when blogging?
11. Share 4 of your favorites quotes that inspire you the most?

I hope I did justice to the nomination. Hope to continue doing what I love doing and sharing the success! Much love and gratitude for this nomination! Now I am going to let this sink in while you all can read and enjoy!